i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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