i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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