I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
