Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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