I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
