I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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