im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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