3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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