I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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