isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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