My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
