I just cut my nipple shaving
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
