Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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