So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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