got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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