Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
