I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
