i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Holy shit dude........stairs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
