All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
