I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
