his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
