I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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