I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
