How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
