yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
