it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
