You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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