dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
