Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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