Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
