I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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