Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
