I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
