OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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