Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
