Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
