The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
