Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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