I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
