i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
not ubering you a puppy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
