bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
