I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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