you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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