she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
