first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
