Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
