yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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