There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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