i think i have two assholes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
