his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
