Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
