Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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