do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
