Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
