I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
