so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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