I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
