I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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