Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
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I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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