im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
