Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
