What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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