Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
