help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
