I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
