this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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